How to Properly Preserve Real Human Urine
Maybe you know someone like this: they have a high paying, high tech position that provides them with enough income that they can afford all the finest grade weed money can buy.
And buy it they do. And smoke it like a chimney as well. Yet somehow, they always pass the random drug tests that are part and parcel of their job.
“How do you do it?” you finally break down and ask them.
“Well, my friend (they say trying to speak and hold their breath at the same time), my secret is a little thing called real human pee.”
They’re stoned out of their gord and think their cryptic answer is hilariously funny. You’re not so amused, and after a few more hits, they finally come around to that fact.
What they then reveal to you alters the course of your life (or at least makes you think about altering it).
The Entrepreneurial Spirit Lives On…
Your friend tells you that, every six months or so, they buy a supply of squeaky-clean urine from the local teetotaler who’s more than happy to supply it for a decent price.
Your friend pays a pretty penny, but is sure that this pee will pass any test regardless of how rigorous it is. And pass it does.
They’ve been using this method for several years, and it’s never failed in more than a half dozen random drug tests.
But How Can That Be?
You ask. “Doesn’t urine break down completely in just a few hours? What do you do, freeze it?”
Your pal pulls themself out of their beanbag chair and motions for you to follow them.
You soon find yourself in the basement staring at an old refrigerator/freezer. Your friend gives you their best stoned James Franco face, and then opens the freezer door to reveal a dozen or so small plastic containers full of someone else’s frozen pee.
“You gotta think outside the toilet dude”, they admonish you.
You leave your friend’s house with a contact high and a head full of questions. Your friend told you human pee would keep for a year, but just to be safe, they replace their stock every six months.
Is that true? Or is this whole thing just an elaborate game they play with people who dare ask them how they manage not to get fired, despite the fact that they could have been either Cheech or Chong in a past life.
The Secret (Shelf) Life of Pee (How to Preserve It)
You went home and decided to do some research. What you discovered was eye-opening. It’s possible your high-tech-exec stoner friend was actually being straight with you.
It is possible to store urine for extended periods of time – perhaps up to a year – and use it to pass drug tests. But it has to be done the right way.
Here’s how to preserve real human pee.
- Get it in the freezer quickly – Urine will start to break down chemically in just a couple of hours, so it’s crucial that you must get the urine into the freezer as fast as possible; no more than 2-3 hours after it’s been excreted by your donor.
- Use the right kind of container – It’s best to have your purchased pee stored in small containers because if you use a single larger one, you’ll need to thaw the whole thing out every time you need just a little bit for a test. That will ruin the integrity of the pee.
- Airtight is alright – Air is the enemy of food and urine samples, so it’s important that the containers seal up tightly and that there’s as little air as possible in the container with the sample.
- Thawing it right – The day before you’re to be tested move a couple of frozen containers from the freezer to the fridge. It’s best to do 2 in case something happens to one of them. On the morning of the test, remove them from the fridge and put them on the kitchen table for an hour. Then shake them up lightly and nuke them for 5 seconds max on medium. Shake again and take the better looking of the 2 with you.
Once it’s thawed, there’s no refreezing it, so don’t even think about it.
You may have to rewarm it a bit with a hand warmer or heat pack before submitting it, but whatever you do, don’t put it back in the microwave a second time. It will cause the pee to start breaking down chemically, and you’ll be up the creek.
Recommended Article: What’s the Best Way to Store Urine for a Drug Test?
The Scary Drawbacks
- First of all, if anyone from work is ever at your home for whatever reason and stumbles upon your urine stash, you’re screwed.
- Secondly, no matter how much you may want to trust your totally innocent pee source, you just never know. They may have had a couple of poppy seed muffins the day before giving you the sample and be unaware that it would cause a positive result for opioids that winds up costing you your job.
- And third, if there’s a power outage in your neighborhood while you’re at work, the samples could partially or completely thaw and then refreeze once the power comes back on. When you then go to use the pee, it’s rejected because it started breaking down due to the freeze/thaw cycles..
Is There a Better Way?
If the idea of loading up your freezer with someone else’s piss doesn’t really appeal to you (no matter how well the idea might work for your friend), there are other alternatives with equally high or higher success rates that don’t require you storing pee for months.
Synthetic urine is readily available through a host of reputable websites, for instance. It is chemically identical to real human pee, and you don’t have to mix it up until the day of the test.
It also doesn’t cost an arm and a leg and it is no more difficult to sneak into the test area than a container of someone else’s pee.
Plus, you’ll never have to worry about it coming back positive for anything.
So, what is the best brand of synthetic urine you ask?
Well, after a bunch of testing, we have concluded that Clear Choice Sub Solution is the best one that we have today.
With countless updates to their product, it has stood the test of time and all the technological improvements that the labs have made to their machines.
You can easily get one right here, straight from an authorized reseller.