This review was last updated in May 2019.
As the scourge of company administered drug tests spreads like an oil slick across the employment landscape, average people are finding it more and more difficult to maintain a private life and a job at the same time.
The fact that you could have your career ruined by a test that shows you may have had a couple of hits off a joint in the past 3 weeks is insane.
But it's life.
As such, you need something that will help you balance the scales, and Golden Flask wants to be the solution you’re looking for.
Below, we’re going to take a close look at this product and see if it’s worth the asking price.
What is the Golden Flask?
The Golden Flask is a relative newcomer to the synthetic urine business.
It first appeared about 2 years ago and is the product of a company called Alternative Lifestyle Systems, or ALS.
ALS has a, let's say "interesting," product line that includes adult toys and a strap-on prosthetic penis with a tube down the center for dispensing sample called the "Whizzinator."
Nothing illegal, mind you.
Just an eclectic product line that happens to feature some related items.
The company hopes you’ll use their fake urine in concert with their Whizzinator, instead of opting for a better known and proven product like Quick Fix.
The marketing on their site describes the Golden Flask as being "world famous," which indicates these guys aren't above a bit of exaggeration.
That aside, the company is banking on the notion that the drug testing phenomenon has created a sufficient number of desperate people to support their entry into the fake pee market.
And so, we have the Golden Flask -- which proclaims with a hearty wink-wink to be fetish urine, not to be used for illegal purposes.
What’s in the Golden Flask?
To the company's credit, their Golden Flask fake urine kit is more comprehensive than some others that basically give you a packet of dried fake piss and a hearty "Good luck."
It's said to possess the same creatinine levels, pH levels, and specific gravity as authentic urine while also containing both uric acid and urea.
The marketing also boasts about the “believable smell” of this fake urine, but we beg to differ.
More on that in a moment.
The Golden Flask kit comes with 4 ounces of premixed synthetic urine in a sleek plastic urine flask, a heat pad to help you bring the pee up to a realistic temperature, and a temperature strip that's already affixed to the bottle so you can monitor that temp and instructions.
All of that is great, and we applaud them for going the extra mile and trying to deliver value to their customers.
Where we diverge is in the smell of the product.
If your piss smells like this, it's time to visit the doctor.
Not that it's particularly foul, just weird. We can't think of anything else that smells like it. Especially urine.
Does It Work?
But does it work? You ask.
Well, let’s put it this way. We wouldn’t be as hesitant to use this as we would to use some other products.
And, who knows? Maybe you’ll get a testing technician who can’t smell -- or at least you better hope you do.
Because, even if you get your sample past them and deliver it either straight from the bottle or through a strap-on (which we don’t recommend) the unusual odor is bound to get someone’s attention at some point.
Either while you’re still there, or later when the cup is uncapped for testing.
In addition, a quick check of online feedback suggests that our observations about the characteristics of this product (the color is a bit surreal as well) are not off-base.
A number of people report failed tests when using the product.
Some blame themselves, thinking they just didn’t know how to use synthetic urine.
But, we have a pretty good idea what the true cause of those failures is.
At the same time, however, others report that they got through their tests without problem or incident.
So, there are definitely mixed signals emanating from the people who actually use the stuff.
If it were our test, we'd just fall back on the reliability of better brands and eliminate the doubt.
How Much Does This Product Cost?
This isn’t the most expensive kit on the market, nor is it by any means the cheapest.
It’s going to set you back about $45.
45 bucks is more than you’ll pay for better brands so, in our book, the Golden Flask has to offer something extra in order to justify that additional expense.
Something like a guaranteed 100% success rate on drug tests.
And, since they can’t offer that we would just stick with what we already know will work and maybe revisit ALS at some point in the future to see if they’ve worked out some of the kinks.
Where Can I Buy Golden Flask?
If you're feeling lucky, you can go ahead and purchase this through the ALS website, charmingly known as: thewhizzinator.com.
There, you can pick up all the Golden Flask you want along with a prosthetic penis to freak out your friends at parties.
But, why bother?
With your career on the line, it's no time to take chances on unproven products like this.
Do yourself a favor and opt for a known quantity like Quick Fix instead.
Hell, you’ll even save a few bucks.
So, are we recommending this product?
As the Golden Flask is a new product, we're willing to cut them some slack and stop back again at a later date to see if they've worked out the odor and color issues we mentioned above.
But for now, we can't in good conscience recommend something with such flaws.
We're recommending Quick Fix instead because of its positive track record and good quality. And, because we want you to keep your job.