This review was last updated in February 2019.
We’ve all been there - that terrible, sinking, I’m-gonna-be-totally-screwed feeling in your gut when you're current, or even worse, future employer tells you that they want you to take a drug test near your area.
Like me, you probably have your work life separated from your not-work life. And the two should never meet. That is until the hammer comes down in the form of a urine drug test!
There are a few options you can use to cheat substance screenings in a pinch, but they are not all created equal.
There’s the natural detox option, but that takes time, and time isn’t always on our side.
There are supplements and detoxes to flush out your system, but they tend to be pretty unreliable. If I'm honest, those supplements are a bit shady!
Who knows what’s actually in them or where they come from? Or are they even near your place?
Then there’s the tried and true synthetic sample. I was a skeptic, but I’m telling you, fake pee is the answer to your prayers.
Not only is it easy to use, but you’re guaranteed to pass the test since it’s formulated to be like human urine (more on that later) and doesn’t have a trace of THC/cocaine/whatever in it.
So, let’s take a closer look at how I became such an expert on getting through these problems, the best options for passing, and how to land a job without sacrificing your after hours fun.
What Are These Products Used For?
If it sounds like I know exactly what I’m talking about, it’s because I do! I was unemployed for a few months and was going heavy on the job hunt, and the post-hunt-blunt if I'm honest.
I had a few interviews but nothing promising, so I spent a weekend partying with my buddies to try to drown (and puff away) my sorrows.
The Monday after my party weekend, I got an email saying that I landed a second and final interview, which included a “standard test”. Not only that, they wanted me to go in on Thursday! I needed the job, but I knew I had no time to flush my body out naturally.
I went into full research panic mode.
I didn’t want to risk it with any pills or supplements (dude, I thought the point was to get through the screening, not take weird pills). At that point, I knew my only option was fake piss (see our other recommendations here), and I knew I had to go with the best since I only had one chance to pass this test and land a job.
I remembered that my buddies had used a synthetic product in the past, so I turned to them for advice. I also asked the guys in my head shop, figuring they would have knowledge and experience with different products.
One brand came out above all others: Monkey Whizz. Everyone said it was easy to use and extremely reliable. After using it myself, I have to agree.
Let’s look at the nitty gritty details of how to properly use Monkey Whizz without getting caught.
How Do You Use a Monkey Whizz?
So you’ve made the smart decision and gone with Serious Monkey Business' urination device. Good choice, Grasshopper.
Monkey Whizz is super easy to use. Starting with the ordering process.
Once you order Monkey Whizz they can ship it to you overnight. And there will be no mention of Monkey Whizz by name on your credit card or on the package, so you don’t have to worry about suspicious charges. No need to ask yourself, "where is the store that sells it near me"?
For someone like me, who only had a day or two before going to the laboratories, it was an awesome and necessary benefit.
Monkey Whizz comes in two forms: powdered or pre-mixed that comes in a flask. Both versions come with a belt that serves as a holster. They are both the same chemical composition, except the pre-mixed is sterilized.
To prepare the powdered solution, simply put it in warm water and follow the same instructions you would if you were using the premixed solution.
Also, no worries, Monkey Whizz comes with idiot-proof step by step instructions, so even though I’m gonna lay them out here, you’ll get fresh instructions delivered right to your door when you order.
Monkey Whizz comes with two heat packs. Open up one and stick it to the flask, between the bag and the belt.
Wrap the Monkey Whizz kit around your waist, under your clothing. The temperature strip should be touching your skin, and the tube should be pointing to the floor.
Wear the flask for one hour before use.
Remember to check the temperature strip before using Monkey Whizz. The temperature strip should read between 98 to 100 degrees before use. This is the most important part - temperature is one of the main indicators of real or fake pee.
To use it, unfasten the white clips and drain the contents.
Let’s see how this product measures up to its main competitor, The Whizz Kit.
How Does Monkey Whizz Stack Up Against The Whizz Kit?
Even though it should be, Monkey Whizz is not the only brand of artificial product on the market. If you do a little research on your own, you’ll find that Monkey Whizz’s main competitor is The Whizz Kit.
One happy customer from a closed Facebook group.
Take into consideration that it can arrive overnight, and you’ll see that Monkey Whizz definitely beats The Whizz Kit in the price and convenience department.
One other awesome thing about Monkey Whizz is its flask size! It’s way smaller than the Whizz Kit. Normally I wouldn’t be calling something smaller a bonus, but in this case, it’s easier to use undetected - no matter what kind of supervision you have.
Also, it doesn’t require a synthetic penis to use. This means that you can recommend Monkey Whizz to your lady friends AND your buddies.
Lastly, Monkey Whizz contains uric acid and has all the other chemical components of organic pee. This means that it looks, smells, and foams like human urine.
It’ll hold up under scrutiny if the sample is sent to the lab for further testing. The only thing it’s missing is actual human DNA (spoiler- no brand will be able to provide that).
Also, the product is sterile, so it will begin to grow bacteria when exposed to the air (just like urine!).
The Final Verdict: Does Monkey Whizz Work?
In case you’re not already convinced, let me reassure you - Monkey Whizz will absolutely help you pass your test and is incredibly easy and convenient to use. I've tried it, my friends tried it, and other people online have tried it as well. It works.
If you aren't convinced yet, go ahead and check out some forums about this stuff, you won't regret it.
It costs $45.95 for the whole kit, flask, and caboodle. This includes:
- The 3.5 oz pouch filled with the sample
- An elastic belt that fits up to a 54 “ waist
- A refillable syringe
- Two heating pads
- And idiot proof instructions.
Where Can I Buy Monkey Whizz?
If you buy the Whizz Kit, you have to pay by the piece, and it may end up being way more expensive than you planned.
Also, Monkey Whizz comes with more than you will need for a single substance screening, so you don’t have to worry about running out or not having enough.
A word to the wise...
You don’t want to mess around and buy an inferior or expired sample.
If you buy it from the manufacturer, they will be able to send it overnight so that it will be available for your use the next day.
If you need a working sample to pass a urinalysis soon, and you want the best on the market, don’t hesitate.
Buy Monkey Whizz now and try it tomorrow!