We’ve all been there: massive weekend of partying and letting loose and then finding out you’ve got to pass a piss test at work. Nightmare.
You might have over-indulged a little and now you find yourself in a really tough situation. You’re left making excuses, trying to find some clean piss, or trying to delay the test as much as possible. What can you do?
It happened to me a few months ago, after a week-long road trip with the boys. I found out that I was going to be tested on the Monday morning I got back and I knew I wasn’t going to pass - there’s no taking it easy with my buddies!
Luckily one of the boys works for the same company and knew it was coming up, so thought ahead and bought us each a Whizzinator Touch. I thought he was having a laugh when he whipped it out - it is basically a strap on cock that allows you to give the impression of your doing a real piss. Was he just giving me a metaphor of what would happen to us once the tests came back? Let’s see.
There are loads of Whizzinator reviews out on this product but none as in depth as this.
What is a Whizzinator (our reviews)?
In short, it is a fake dick. You strap it on (stick with me here boys!) and fill the pouch with fake piss so that when the doctor asks you to fill a sample cup with a few ounces of your finest, you can whip it out and give them the fake stuff.
It is supposedly a reliable system for taking those urine tests where the doc or the lab assistant insists on watching you fill the cup like a creep. Some people think getting some clean piss is the hard part, but it isn’t. Getting a clean sample into the cup while you’re being watched takes a good system, and that is where products like these come in.
The product comes with a fake penis, along with the waistband and straps to keep it all in place. I was really surprised at how lifelike the fake dong was. Granted my girlfriend could tell it wasn’t real when she got right up close to it (you’d hope so!) but the creepy lab guys won’t be getting that close. It’s definitely real enough to fool them, especially since they don’t know what I’m really packing - unlike my girlfriend.
The kit also comes with a packet of the synthetic urine, which comes in a powdered form that you can mix and insert into the pouch on the day you need it. It is important to get good fake piss product too, as the labs are always finding new ways to detect what is real and what isn’t. The stuff that comes with this device is decent quality, but for the best result, stick with Quick Fix, the #1 product.
You can buy extra packets of the fake stuff when you buy the whole kit, or you can just buy Quick Fix later whenever you think you might have another test coming up. My buddy had bought a few packs of Quick Fix for each us so that we knew we’d be sorted when our test came up. Most work places will test you more than once so it’s better to be prepared for any random tests.
Also in the kit are some heat pads which make sure your fake piss stays at body temperature. Even the best synthetic urine coming out of a genuine looking fake dick will be seen as highly suspicious if it isn’t the right temperature. Cold piss is a dead giveaway
How Does the Whizzinator Work?
The Whizzinator works by deceiving the lab technician who is there to watch you give your sample. The Whizzinator is simple to use, meaning to anyone watching you, it looks like you're having a normal piss. They’ll think they’ve seen you give a genuine sample, and you’ll know that you’re giving them some clean piss. Everyone goes home happy!
On the day you’re expected to give your sample, you make up the fake piss using the synthetic urine powder and inject it into the pouch attached to the artificial schlong. You then strap it to your body underneath your clothes so that the shaft sits at about the same place as your actual dick.
Then you put one of the heat pads in next to the urine pouch which will help to keep it warm until it is time to take your test. A properly heated pad will keep the contents of the pouch at the right temperature for up to eight hours, meaning you’ll be ready to go any time throughout the work day.
The artificial pee in the pouch will pour out directly through the Whizzinator when you start the flow by giving it a gentle squeeze to activate it. The guy will see the synthetic urine coming out of your fake penis and assume you are giving a genuine sample.
This means that no matter what you’ve been up to, you’ll be able to pass a test. Nobody needs to know what you like to do in your spare time especially at the weekends when we all like to have some fun. No judgement whatsoever.
They’ll take your synthetic urine away for testing and be none the wiser that it didn’t come out of your real dick and your results will come back clean as it can be. So, whatever you want to use it for, you can have some peace of mind that it will work 100% of the time as long as you follow the instructions properly. And, to be completely fair, the instructions are as simple as they come.
Caveat: what you just read above is how the product works when everything goes smoothly. In my case it didn’t. You’ll read more about this in the final review, but here’s a hint: IT LEAKED ALL OVER MY PANTS BEFORE I EVEN LEFT HOME.
Top 3 Uses for the Whizzinator
Curious about what other reasons people might use this thing for? I found these doing my reviews on the product and thought I’d share for S’s & G’s. So, let's get into the details.
Producing Synthetic Urine Samples
Urine delivery products combined with the top quality Quick Fix synthetic urine will give you your best chance to pass your next piss test.
When your future is on the line, you want to make sure you’re using the best possible system and Whizzinator isn’t necessarily it. Don’t take this lightly. The last thing you want to do is change your lifestyle for a job.
Hopefully, you won't have to piss in a cup too often, but that doesn’t mean your prosthetic dong needs to gather dust in a drawer somewhere. There are a million and one situations where you can prank your buddies into thinking the Whizzinator is the real thing.
Just make sure you do it to a friend and not a random stranger or there might be a physical falling out. Your friend will be horrified and find it funny. Get creative. I’ve found getting a friend in on the prank helps too.
Halloween and Costume Parties
Another opportunity to get creative is at Halloween or costume parties. Thought of an idea for a costume which requires getting your dick out, but are afraid to do it because society is so prudish? Strap on your Whizzinator and show the world you’re looking to let it all hang out.
My buddy and I recreated the comedy sketch “dick in a box” and when someone opened the box expecting to see a standard fake dong, they saw the Whizzinator which they thought was the real thing.
Is there a Female Version of the Whizzinator?
It isn’t just us men who need to pass piss tests, so there are some options out there for ladies who like to enjoy their spare time too. You don’t have to wear a fake penis for a urine test only - unless you’re into that of course (none of my business!).
The product which is sometimes known as the ‘Female Whizzinator’ is a system for any women who need to pass a test. Basically, it is the same as the regular one just without the fake dong. The pouch lets out into a small tube and the user can start the flow by releasing a valve. This can all be done quite discreetly.
Men can use this system too to pass a test (read more). If you know that your test will be done in private (ie, nobody will be watching you piss) you don’t need to go to all of the trouble of setting up your fake dick and can use the Whizz Kit for women instead.
That said, just like the male Whizzinator has its flaws, such does the female Whizz Kit. Instead take a look at Monkey Whizz which is MUCH more reliable.
The Whizz Kit isn’t too expensive. It’s $59.95 so if you know you won’t be observed it is well worth the price. If you're gonna have some creep watching you though, definitely consider the Monkey Dong, as it is the only way you’ll pass.
How Much Does it Cost to Buy?
The latest model - the Whizzinator Touch (which I have reviewed) is $139.95 you get the Whizzinator Touch system strap-on device, along with the following:
- 1 Whizzinator Synthetic Urine sample
- 4 heat pads
- 1 syringe to insert the sample into the pouch
- 1 instruction manual
If you’re concerned about the color of the dong matching your natural skin tone the Whizzinator comes in five different colors (white, black, tan, latino and brown) so they’ve got you covered. Just pick a color that matches your skin tone.
The Monkey Dong also comes in (more) colors, more reliable and 15% cheaper than the Whizzinator. So be sure to check it out.
The Monkey Dong is reusable so you can keep it and know that if a piss test ever comes up again you’ll be safe. However, if you insist on getting the Whizzinator and not heeding my advice, make sure to find out more on where to buy a real Whizzinator because there are indeed some even worse knock offs that you do not want to deal with ever.
Many urine tests will involve you getting monitored from an examiner. For this reason, If you’re a man, you need to come prepared with a urine delivery system that looks like a penis.
The truth of the matter, is that in my experience and others as well if you read the reviews, the Whizzinator leaks.
I prepared for my test while at home, before I went to work. As I was getting into my car, I looked down at my jeans and noticed a huge stain! Thank God I noticed it then.Panic attack ensued, so I pulled the old staying-home-sick card and bought myself some time. As you can read from below it was not just me who has had issues with the Whizzinator.
Anyway, I found a similar but reliable product the Monkey Dong and ordered next day delivery. Tomorrow, I did the same preparation again, and everything went smoothly. No leaks. I event spent a good half hour trying to test it for leaks, but it didn’t no matter how hard I tried.
Using the Monkey Dong is by far the best option out there in the market with high pass rates being reported on many forums. I would highly recommend the Monkey Dong if there is even a slight chance you have a supervisor watching over you during the test. When giving fake urine, you need the process to look real or you will get busted.
Piss tests are always a bit nerve wracking even when you know it's gonna be clean, but this system was so simple it made the whole process like smooth sailing. The guy watching me looked long enough to see the flow start and the jar starts to fill and when I was done he seemed none the wiser that he’d been duped. When my results came back clean I knew me and the boys were on to a winning system!